i am looking for a critique partner. this is my first novel and i need someone to be very honest in providing feedback. I have been told my novel needs to be turn from TELL ME to SHOW ME. but because i am so attached to my work i cant seem to remove those descriptions.
story summary is below.
Silver is a fantasy novel set in London during a period of imbalance in the world, where vampires are endeavouring to either drink or turn all of the humans. A noble priesthood that practices white magic is desperately seeking the one person who can save the human race—Silver—along with her saviour, whose power she will need to defeat the vampires.
The legacy of young women who have emerged as Silver through the ages to save humanity have been defeated by the vampires, led by the prince of darkness, Demogorgon. The noble priests take all the young girls from the surrounding area to a mansion protected by white magic, where they train them to defend themselves against the vampires.
Adventurous Hera and her friends are eager to learn the art of weaponry and the history of Silver and her saviour. One night, when they sneak off to the city, the girls are surprised to learn that Hera possesses the magical ability to turn a vampire to ashes with a simple twist of her fingers. A little research at the priests’ temple, the Doric, which Hera seamlessly enters, despite the fact that she does not possess the silver stick that the priests must use to enter, proves that she is Silver. Perhaps more shocking is the discovery of her saviour—Zeus, the misfit vampire who controls his thirst, disregards the authority of his superiors, and who longs to be human again. However, in order to return to human form, Zeus must kill Silver. He is then faced with a choice: kill Hera, with whom he now shares a profound bond, in order to be one of her kind or help her kill the vampires and their leader and remain immortal.