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Re: First 250 Words

Home / Forums / List of Forums / Young Adult / First 250 Words / Re: First 250 Words

#5088

Anonymous

@fofobugz It’s quite clear your chracter having a hard time. The feeling you show’s a little melancholy but also full of worries – and you DON’T have to show them, I feel them through your writing. Impressive.
What let me hesitate was that you describe the time now, full of winter, but switch in – I think – a time ago in which it maybe was summer or spring. It’d be better if you describe the time she thinks about at that moment – it’s kind of unnecessary without any plausible reason.
Oh, yes, and “smells of winter” sounds a little awkward, maybe just smell.
What I don’t understand is, isn’t it quite stressful to marry while she’s starting her guardian training? It’d make more sense if she’s ending her training and getting married at the end of it.