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Re: First 250 Words

Home / Forums / List of Forums / Young Adult / First 250 Words / Re: First 250 Words

#5076

Anonymous

@kaylinn57 I like the situation you put your protagonist in. A normal day of life makes the magic part even crazier 😀
You describe the mother really good. Her mother never backing and then the fake smile, something´s really wrong and I want to know now what!
But I think you should describe more what Alana feels when she notices that her mother´s backing again. And I would like a description of the ring.
Also: “It’s fine, Alana,” comma between fine and Alana.
A really great beginning for a fantasy story!

@Chiaki What´s with you? It´s brilliant! I really like it. 😀
I feel the tension the boy feels. And I like how you descripe the agents. LOL I now think they´re kind of stupid. Is he some kind of super clever kid? Whatever. I like him from the beginning. I wish there´d be more.

Thanks a lot @Chiaki @kaylinn57 @downeynl !!
I´m really relieved you like it. (I wasn´t sure whether it sounds like crap :D)
Ah! Without you I would have never seen the mistake! Okay, change “not avoidable” to “unavoidable”. It´s sometimes really hard to use the right words in English.
Oh, yes, you´re right @kaylinn57. I will change that again. Never thought I would confuse my reader with that.

@Chiaki No, she didn´t kill someone 😀 (Not yet)