Re: First Page

#4541

Dawn
Participant

Yeah it was supposed to be a guy. The first draft’s first page was this:

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I can still hear the screams and moans and other such cries as loved ones were taken away.

Maybe I should start from the beginning.

Shifters had finally come out in the open. It wasn’t really our choice. Too many ignorant pups had shown their loved ones what they were. They showed the “normal” humans their souls.

As a consequence, too many people found out about us. Instead of hunting us like many feared they would, they welcomed us. They wanted to be us. Longer lives, the ability to shift, everything. They wanted it all.

They didn’t understand the full consequences of their actions.

They decided to make blood drives in case our blood was different than theirs. If one of us were to need a blood transfusion, we could use another shifter’s blood. Again, ignorant pups went one by one to their drives to donate. Did they not know the human blood matched human blood? We still had A, B, AB, and O. The difference was not in our blood. It was in our DNA; it is in our DNA. And along with it is the ability to merge blood cells—A with A, B with B, and so on.

I am no scientist, but I know this.

With their “drives” came their greed. Or maybe it was the other way around. They took our blood and “tested” it like they would with any other person. Only they took more than just a prick on the finger. They took vials. And then they manipulated them, turned them into serums. Want to be like the shifters? Here you go. Inject yourself with this. For safety purposes, we ask that you register yourself in this little book…

They claimed their drug had been tested. And it had. It worked. What they didn’t wait for was the long term effects.

It’s not in their DNA. Their bodies don’t know it. Some died early on after taking the drug. Others vanished. What happened to them? Their bodies forgot how to shift back. I doubt they lived much longer as an animal. Their bodies just can’t handle it. It was not meant to be.

Some were killed by predators before the drug had taken hold of them. I consider them the lucky ones.

The drug… I can’t even remember what it was called…

It got into their systems like it was supposed to do. It was great in the beginning. Friends were able to run and play with their friends the way nature’s animals did. But then… Then, it began to hurt them.

For some, it took weeks. For others, it took months. The rare lot has yet to see the damaging effects. The more they shifted, the faster the poison spread through their systems, or so it seems to me.

As I said before, some forgot to shift back. I pity them. They are not ingrained with the wisdom of survival. Others got sicker and sicker until they were no more, and the need to change and go hide in a dark place to die consumed them until that was all they knew. Most of them were too frail to even do that.


Obviously, I have given the drug a name since then, and it’s not in the journal style but I felt that there was too much at once, which would turn this more into a short story lacking information. What do you guys think about this original draft?