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Re: First Sentences

Home / Forums / List of Forums / Young Adult / First Sentences / Re: First Sentences

#4457

jessicafriday
Participant

@lyrwriter I can’t believe you conveyed so much mystery in just ten words. I already have a feeling for setting/character/questions.

@kaylinn57 I get the feeling this is a 14-16 year old girl, and there is some element of the paranormal/fantasy. Is the ring special? I have a feeling it’s about to cause her some trouble.

I also have a feel for the character’s voice here, with just one crit: I had a little mental stumble between “mother’s” and “meltdown” (lots of ms in their, and I get tongue-tied quite easily, so it could just be me).

Great thread, here. Really makes me rethink my first line, which has been the first line since I first started putting ink to paper for this WIP. The second character’s reply really does more for setting/tension, so perhaps somehow I should reverse them.

As it currently stands, this is it:

“Come on, Will,” shouted Marcus as he walked out onto the fallen tree.