@heidi I slide into the seat across from a blonde girl with a sweater that stretches just tight enough over her boobs to make my imagination summersault. More like four backflips followed by a handspring. (LOL! This is funny. I might add the colour, but I guess he wouldn’t notice the color.)
@nefarious First sentence (most recent):
Elianna knelt down to tie her shoe with shaking hands.(I like this it add mystery and could be a lot of differnt things to it. I do wonder what the next line is, though. Nice work.
@“He seemed to be everywhere that I went.” (ANd I’m wondering who seems to be everywhere. Very interesting.)
@theresa Everyone knows that when life hands you lemons you make lemonade, but what happens when life straight up smacks you across the face? (This is nice, but i might not start with a question. At least that is what they said at writeoncon. I would make it a statement. Nice thoughts though. And I only ready get a sense of the tone.)
@Lywriter The tea was nearly ready. The man, however, was not. (Hmm… I love tea. I do want to know what comes after this. It does raise a lot of questions. Thanks for sharing)
@Kaylinn57The ring was warmer than usual that day, and had I not been dealing with my mother’s almost-complete meltdown, I probably would have paid more attention. (Ah, nice. A magic ring of sorts. You add to important things in one sentence. The ring is warm, which makes me wonder why and her mother is having a melt down. Nice.)
@jessicafriday Come on, Will,” shouted Marcus as he walked out onto the fallen tree(Nice. I did here that some agents frown about the opening starting with dialogue. However, the rules always seem to change. If the sotry is good, it may not matter. But maybe to be on the safe side make it a narrative that way we get a really nice grasp of you MC voice.).