Wow, this exploded!
@heidi: oh boys and their obsession with certain body parts. Draws us right into his head!
@nefarious: the glistening rock is the obsidian wall, right? I think you can condense this (gorgeous!) image to have it flow better. And I’m instantly curious as to why her hands are shaking.
@laura: I’m intrigued, but I think a detail or two would absolutely hook me
@jani: I like the phrase “follow the feeling” – would definitely read on to see what happened
@theresa: I agree to get rid of the question format, but I like the sentiment!
@lyrwriter: instantly curious about who the man is and why he isn’t ready
@kaylinn: curiosity spiked and sympathy for the character on the rise. Good job
@jessica: not sure about it as an opener. I shall reserve judgment until I see what the second sentence is 🙂
@shakespeare: I like the imagery, and the idea that smell can kill. But I agree with whoever said to get rid of the question
@downeynl: I would just stop after “know” – otherwise, works great
@ladonna: ooh! I was getting ready to say “eh” but now I want to know why her engagement ring is a string! Good hook.
I would also like to see revisions, but agree that it’s gonna get crazy in here, hahaha 😉