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Re: First Sentences

Home / Forums / List of Forums / Young Adult / First Sentences / Re: First Sentences

#4473

Jenn
Participant

Wow, this exploded!

@heidi: oh boys and their obsession with certain body parts. Draws us right into his head!

@nefarious: the glistening rock is the obsidian wall, right? I think you can condense this (gorgeous!) image to have it flow better. And I’m instantly curious as to why her hands are shaking.

@laura: I’m intrigued, but I think a detail or two would absolutely hook me

@jani: I like the phrase “follow the feeling” – would definitely read on to see what happened

@theresa: I agree to get rid of the question format, but I like the sentiment!

@lyrwriter: instantly curious about who the man is and why he isn’t ready

@kaylinn: curiosity spiked and sympathy for the character on the rise. Good job

@jessica: not sure about it as an opener. I shall reserve judgment until I see what the second sentence is šŸ™‚

@shakespeare: I like the imagery, and the idea that smell can kill. But I agree with whoever said to get rid of the question

@downeynl: I would just stop after “know” – otherwise, works great

@ladonna: ooh! I was getting ready to say “eh” but now I want to know why her engagement ring is a string! Good hook.

I would also like to see revisions, but agree that it’s gonna get crazy in here, hahaha šŸ˜‰