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Re: First Sentences

Home / Forums / List of Forums / Young Adult / First Sentences / Re: First Sentences

#4508

Tracy Rohlfing
Participant

@Chiaki

Thnx for the feed back 🙂 I have been deciding on how to add emotion to that sentence.

if you hate your sentence anyway, then that’s probably the red flag you need to change it. You are right, it is one o f the no-no’s unless it’s done great.

It has me wondering why someone would wake up at mid night covered in blood. this may be dark but the first thing I think of is someone lying next to them was butchered. Or maybe they hurt themselves in their sleep?

I do think it could be stronger.