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Re: First Sentences: Revised

Home / Forums / List of Forums / Young Adult / First Sentences: Revised / Re: First Sentences: Revised

#4968

Anonymous

@tracy Oh, okay. But I liked the children toy metaphor.

@kshipp08 I like the blood idea (can a first sentence with blood be something other than creepy and interesting?) But you could maybe say: “A thin line of blood ran down the streets, making a puddle and glistened like red rubies.”

@jessica Well, I like the first sentence as well. But the second is great, too. But I would show a little more awkwardness and maybe fear in the new version. What does Will feel at the moment? That would be more intersting.