Re: Looking for some honest truth

#5973

risu
Participant

It might help to just focus on one character, whichever is the main protagonist, Shaun or Jane.

For instance, if Shaun is the protagonist, you might consider something like this:

Shaun is hiding from Jane’s father. His job as family tavern keep isn’t prestigious enough to be considered worthy of the lawyer’s daughter. But determined to have to woman he loves, he and Jane steal away to the meadow. Their affair lasts only moments when a portal opens and a band of blood-thirsty pirates kidnap Jane and leave Shaun for dead.

Shaun vows to find Jane and seeks out his own portal to the strange dimension known as Kosmos. Together with a barkeep, a crippled war veteran, and a crew of drunken lowlifes, he risks his life and his world to regain his beloved Jane. Will he find her? Or will he be doomed to wander alien space forever without his love?

If Jane is the main protagonist, then you can focus more on how her father restricts her to men of a certain stature and then move on to the abduction and the rude pirates.

Jane’s father has determined she will only marry a well-to-do doctor. Secretly, she loves Shaun, a bartender and future tavern owner. Knowing her father will never allow her the life she wants, she flees with Shaun to the meadow. Her thrilling choice encounters a nasty surprise when a portal opens and Jane is abducted by blood-thirsty pirates, dragged kicking and screaming to the dimension known as Kosmos.

Jane is kept prisoner aboard the pirate ship where the crew is rude, the captain is stubborn, and the first mate has an unwelcomed romantic obsession for her. She is forced to adapt to the strange new dimension, but she never forgets about her home, her family, or her loving Shaun. And she never stops trying to escape.

These are just examples and I don’t know if they are relevant to your story or style. But it might give you some ideas. It’ll be less confusing if you stick to just one character. And it might also create more interest if it ends with a “DUN-DUN-DUN!!!!” type feeling.