Re: Looking for some honest truth

#5975

jenny
Participant

The revision is a lot better, I think. It keeps the forbidden-love aspect in proper context (since it’s really just backstory), tells more of the plot so we can get interested, and clears up my confusion about the era. 🙂 I think I agree with Risu that sticking to just one perspective might be better, even if the book is from both perspectives. It sounds like Shaun’s the more active character (I don’t really understand how Jane can “carve her own place in Kosmo” if she’s being kept prisoner on a ship), so maybe focusing on him, with some mention of what’s going on with Jane, would make the description cleaner and maybe add some suspense on whether Jane will be okay and whether Shaun will succeed.