@ladonna: Thanks! I went to Susan’s site, and that was really helpful! Most of my query info comes from Janet Reid, the Query Shark.
@lyrwriter: I like your revised version! It flows much better!
(oh hey, that’s what Tracy said, hahaha)
I’ve revised mine again based on comments here and at WriteOnCon:
Prince Calder departs the kingdom to rescue a princess from her classically evil captors. He expects dangers, but there is one thing he does not expect: his story’s narrator.
Refusing to narrate even one more boring quest plot, Pennington materializes and orders Calder to ignore the kidnapped princess. He will create a more engaging story, one that a truly great narrator deserves. Calder doesn’t believe his claim to be the narrator and, determined to be a hero, refuses.
Then Pennington completely rewrites Calder’s backstory. Suddenly Crown Prince Calder…isn’t. He’s lost his inheritance and the confidence that he is a real person in one sentence.
Calder’s story is no longer as straightforward as he thinks. Does the princess still need to be rescued? Is he surrounded by friends or by enemies? Is he the Crown Prince or the youngest son? If he continues to defy Pennington, will he even recognize himself?
Losing his sense of identity and reality, he clings to his quest, determined – at all costs – to beat the narrator and end his story, his way.
THE NARRATOR is an 80,000* word young adult fantasy told from multiple points of view.
Thank you for your time and consideration,