Stefanie, I like your idea, and how you have that gripping pitch in the first parafraph. But as the query goes, it starts to get confusing. I wonder if you’ve included too many plot threads rather than sticking with the main, major one. It feels almost as though each paragraph is talking about a different book.
I don’t know that I’d include anything about Ironbrook in this query. I think I’d stay with the main focus, Lilly’s ability and her quest to uncover the truth about who she is and where she lives. Maybe add the mysterous boy in her dreams to show the romantic thread.
And I wonder why does she need to save herself from herself? I ask this because it seems there’s a big idea there that isn’t pushed forth. Is she killing herself somehow? Is it connected to the fact that she brought the animal back to life? If so, that would be an awesome cliff hanger way to end the query, if worded with strong, dramatic words.
Have you started querying yet? What’s the feedback been like?