Re: Queries

#4387

lyrwriter
Participant

@Jenn—I love it! What a fun, unique premise! A couple little notes:

1. As Jessica also noted: can you attach the name “Pennington” to the word “narrator” in your first paragraph so that when we get to the second paragraph it’s instantly clear to us who Pennington is? It’s not super-confusing or anything, but it does take us a moment to go, “Pennington? Who is Pennington? I don’t think he’s been mention–oh, he must be the narrator.” The more you can streamline that, the better.

2. I would make the “Losing his sense of identity…” paragraph part of the previous one.

Otherwise, awesome job. If I were an agent, I’d be all over this. 🙂