I hate writing queries. That said, this one is too long. A query should be written in letter format and only one page, so there isn’t much space between the greeting and salutation. You can only fit two, maybe three short paragraphs. What you have is closer to a synopsis.
A query should hook the reader right away, so you need to go straight to the conflict. Your query actually starts at the last paragraph where it states, “Justin’s taken and Lucy’s fallen in love.” That’s where you want to start the query. Also, take out the last sentence about your work being compared to another writer.
Hope this helps!