This is the very first paragraphs from a story I’m working on called Saving Sara. I tend to be a bit off when starting a story so can you tell me if this is a good place to start? Does it hold your interest and make you want to keep turning pages?
The bright cheerful sunshine that warmed his hat covered head was a complete contradiction of the turmoil roiling around in Dustin’s gut. The bruises he’d seen on Sara’s pale skin that morning had made his gut burn but if he said anything about it she’d know he’d seen her in little more than her birthday suit. He hadn’t meant to look but he’d nearly fallen off the roof while cleaning the gutters on the back side of the ranch house and her curtains were open and…
Dustin shook his head, angry with himself but even angrier at Jarvis. The man didn’t know what he had, didn’t know what a wonderful woman he was married to. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen evidence of his boss’s temper on Sara but seeing the extent of the bruising on her body today filled him with barely controlled rage.
“Dusty!” Jarvis Travers yelled from the head of the line of horses, jerking Dustin’s attention back to the task at hand. A wild eyed cow was trying to make a run for freedom and was charging right toward his end of the line. Dustin pulled hard on his mount’s reins and spun the chestnut gelding around just in time to cut into the cow’s path, effectively turning her back toward the rest of the herd.
Dustin glanced up the line and found Jarvis grinning at him with that good-ol’-boy grin that Dustin knew was fake. It was a grin that manipulated and controlled all the while pretending to be friendly. The only reason he kept working for the guy was because the money was good, real good, and because he’d hate himself if he left and something happened to Sara. Not that he was doing her any good by being around but he knew deep down that if she was really in danger he’d step in and take the blows for her.
“You daydreaming, boy?” Jarvis spat a stream of brown tobacco juice into the dusty dirt at his horse’s feet.
“No Sir, just not seein’ real clear with the sun in my eyes.” Dustin replied, trying to keep his distain for the man from showing. At one time he’d held a great deal of respect for Jarvis Travers but that was before Sara came into the picture.
“Get yourself some shades then so you can keep your mind on the job ‘fore you get yourself trampled.” Jarvis slapped Dustin on the shoulder and spit another stream of tobacco into the dirt as he rode back to the front of the line. Dustin had to keep himself from childishly wiping the man’s touch from his shirt.