My wip is called “Everything to Lose” and this is how it begins:
All men are dogs, I decided, as I pushed my way to the front of the ridiculously overcrowded bar. Well, okay, not all men. Considering most of my friends were male, that statement was a little unfair. No, it was just one man in particular.
“What can I get you?” the bartender shouted over the loud music when I finally got his attention.
“Tequila,” I hollered back. “In fact, make that three.”
“Sure,” he said hurriedly and set up three shot glasses on the bar top in front of me before expertly pouring the liquid into them and handing me the salt and wedges of lemon that accompanied the drinks. I downed my first shot without even flinching just as he’d completed pouring the third and moved quickly onto my second. The bartender cast me a worried glance, “You wanna take it a little easy there?”
Polishing off the third and sucking on the wedge of lemon, I returned him with a sour expression. It was none of his damn business as far as I was concerned. “How much was that?”
“Nineteen fifty,” he informed me and I paid him the money. Turning my back to the bar, I had to stop for a moment as the alcohol buzzed through my brain, making me dizzy. Perhaps taking three shots in a row hadn’t been such a bright idea, especially after the whiskey and coke and the wine I’d had before we got to the club. I knew I could hold my drink but I was usually more sensible in pacing myself to last an entire night.
Not tonight though. Tonight I didn’t want to be my usual self; I was out to get wasted tonight. I’d never believed in it before and used to laugh at people who set out to get drunk at clubs but tonight I felt that my circumstances were different. I just wanted to numb everything I felt. I was tired of caring about what every one else thought. And I was tired of aching for a guy who seemed to have no romantic interest in me whatsoever.
The truth was that I was in love with my best friend. Or at least, I thought I was. That was the only explanation I could come up with for thinking about him all day, imaging what things might have been like if we were a couple and if he ever saw me as anything more than a friend for just a moment. It was something I’d recently realized, though if I had been paying attention earlier, I might have noticed the signs that other people had tried to point out to me. I had known him since we were five and no one knew me like he did, no one understood me the same way.
But things weren’t so simple and I no matter what I felt for him, I could never tell him the truth. I knew all too well how he’d run a mile in the opposite direction from me if I ever confessed my true feelings to him, just as I’d seen him do with countless other girls who said the L-word to him. I didn’t want to lose him and so if being near him meant that I had to keep my feelings to myself then that was exactly what I planned to do. So much for Madison Bates, the tough girl that everyone thought I was. Inside I was a complete ball of mush when it came to Josh Munroe.