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Re: Romance! Snippets from your WIP?

Home / Forums / List of Forums / Romance / Romance! Snippets from your WIP? / Re: Romance! Snippets from your WIP?

#4675

emilys
Participant

@zdemarco I kind of like the list, as long as it doesn’t drag. As for the turning around twice thing – it makes more sense when you write chronological. like – was she shocked before she turned around? and the third reason she was shocked should be mentioned after she turns around.
I don’t like to line edit too much, but sometimes it’s the best way for me to figure out what I’m trying to say. Here’s an example of what I mean (I also cut a bit to shorten number two).
So something similar to:

I froze against the locker, shocked because 1) someone was actually talking to me—the invisible obstacle—and 2) I never drop my pen. When I managed to turn around I was shocked for a third reason: the hottest guy I had ever seen held up my pen with a very amused face.