April 16, 2018 at 7:15 pm #7814
I am only eight chapters into my novel and looking for general feedback and overall picture. Wanting an every other week exchange as I am an event coordinator and wedding season is closing in fast. I also want someone who is willing to read first draft material to help me hone my skills as I am still a fairly new writer. I am also willing to give critiques on overall picture and if something should be tweaked.
Since I do not have a website here is a snippet I hope you enjoy!
2 years ago….
It was after dinner; I had been thinking about it for a while and had decided to commit. I had to do this for myself. Still I was anxious. I had told Mother and Father that I was meeting up with Lady Marrian to discuss my upcoming debutante ball. Of course, Mother was overjoyed. Marrian was my lone true friend in the Inner Circle.
An hour later I arrived near the place I wanted to be, my back hugged the chipped russet brick wall. So far no one had noticed who I was, still I had to be cautious. I took two talpa out of my pocket; this would change my hair and eye color for almost eight hours, which should be enough time. I popped them in my mouth and felt a tingling sensation on my scalp. Talpa were called Chameleon on the street as they hid your true appearance. They were a fundamental means to avoid being captured by authorities and therefore sought after by criminals. The Kingdom’s did their best to keep them off the street but nothing will stop determination, patience, and greed.
I had to borrow clothes from my maid, Darri. They were a little baggy but they helped hide my shape and disguise my true person. She had been assigned to me since I was thirteen years old and she was twenty- two and has been my confidant ever since.
I looked around the corner and saw several men standing near the tavern entrance, I needed to walk past them and into the shop next door. I rested my body against the brick wall once more and took a deep breath in. “You can do this,” I whispered, pulled my hood back up and strode out of the trash filled alleyway.
As I neared the tavern’s opened door, a stream of smoky putrid air hit me. I started to gag.
“Oh, look what we have here lads.” A man the size of a small bear started walking over to me, his arms as thick as tree branches and his hair sandy blonde. “What are you doing on this side of town little lady?” He didn’t give me time to answer before he continued, “Ah, I know your type, always wantin’ some and never satisfied. Well darlin’ let me help you with that.” He grinned a mostly toothy grin.
“Stay back, I am warning you!” At this point his friends started to surround me; the one to my left was short and squat with greasy chocolate brown hair. The one to my right was tall and lanky, like a sapling, he had long hair pulled back in a ponytail.
“Ooh feisty.” said Shorty.
The sapling gave a short laugh, “She’ll be a fighter for sure Thad.” He glanced to the leader.
Great, I had to take my bracelet off to keep my identity hidden but that in itself keeps me safe! If they knew who I was I would be fine. None shall harm a Regalis, though that had not stopped anyone before.
They started to close in, my heart stayed steady as a beating drum. I backed up into the brick wall of the bar, pieces breaking off as I hit it. They were about five feet away now, I shifted my feet into fighting stance, they had no idea the training Regalis underwent as children up into adulthood. Some, like me, kept training past age fifteen, and others focused solely on academics. I had chosen both. Thad came within a couple of feet. This is it. As I was about to act, he was gone.
Stunned as there was now a man standing in front of me, built sturdy but not bulky like Tree Trunk Thad but neither was he lanky like Sapling. I guessed about six feet, with midnight raven hair.
“You need to leave now Thad before I call the guards again, you know this would have been your third offense, it means the workhouse for you.” Recognition coursed through me in utter surprise when the man spoke. It couldn’t be.
email me if you are interested! firstname.lastname@example.org
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