I’ve revised and rewritten my query and I’m told it’s great. I wanted to pass it by some of you to make sure. I realize the list is breaking the rules, but I’ve seen many successful queries respectfully break the rules and the agents love it. So here’s mine. Please let me know if this makes sense. Also, I’m just posting the body of the query.
Sixteen-year-old Allura is done following rules.
#1) No hunting alone
#2) No saving humans
#3) No falling in love
So when her inner predatory switch is flipped to the “on” position while saving an injured woman, she has nobody to blame but herself. That is, until her new flesh-hungry fantasies begin to flicker through her mind like a movie, bloody scene after bloody scene. Then she has everyone to blame—her mother, her grandmother, her great-grandmother—because Allura comes from a long line of man-eaters.
But it isn’t until David, the guy she’s falling in love with, lands a lead role in her private film as her delicious victim, that Allura realizes two things. One: She refuses to live without him. And two: She can’t turn off the switch.
DARK WATERS is Dexter meets Splash, where the deadliest of female folkloric creatures are placed in today’s society and commanded to play well with others.
Thanks ladies. I’m kind of freaking out about this. When I first started using this query, I got two full requests in a matter of a week. And then nothing. All form rejections. I wasn’t sure if the query needed work, or I was sending it to the wrong agents. I figure I need to look for agents who rep YA and horror I guess.
So the premise doesn’t seem too simple? There’s a ton more going on in the story, but I’ve read many times from agent blogs that you only make your query about your first 50 or so pages.