Query Help

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    Hello Everyone. I’m looking for some help with my query. I’ve spent 4 agonizing months on this thing, I have too many versions to count. If anyone’s up for commenting, I’d love to hear your suggestions. My Query is posted below.

    Primer is a 76,000 word contemporary YA novel that explores how sixteen year old Lucy Zwindler recovers herself from striving to be ordinary and what she gains along the way.

    After being bullied into the janitor’s closet, Lucy Zwindler will do anything for a social life and she found it in her dramatic friend Marissa and her athletic boyfriend Zach. Her plans for the summer are simple, hang at the pool, make out at the movies, and avoid her past.

    But when Justin Marshall, the most worshipped guy in school, finds Lucy entertaining, her plans are destroyed. With Justin’s manipulation, Lucy’s parents swap out her plans of cooling off in the pool with a vigorous work schedule painting homes in the summer’s heat at Justin’s side.

    Lucy’s living every girls dream but she hates it. She sees past Justin’s chiseled jaw to his over inflated ego and manipulative smiles.

    Justin’s an intruder. With his wisdom from already being in the perfect relationship, he interrogates Lucy about her unbalanced friendship with Marissa and blooming relationship with Zach. She refuses to put up with his pride and lets him know it with unhindered words and a swift punch.

    As Justin becomes her ultimate distraction, she’s blindsided when she finds Marissa and Zach making out in the pool.

    Lucy’s devastated but her world turns upside down when Justin offers friendship but only if she understands that he helps his friends fix what’s broken and that includes the past. As their friendship grows and Lucy re-identifies herself, she’s not prepared for the startling and painful effects it has on her heart.

    Justin’s taken and Lucy’s fallen in love. If she tells him, she risks losing his friendship forever. If she doesn’t, she could miss her chance of loving forever.

    Primer is a completed manuscript that will appeal to fans of Sarah Dessen.



    Hi Liz,

    Congrats on completing the MS. I just read over your post but couldn’t understand what the query was. Do you just want to know if someone will critique it?



    I hate writing queries. That said, this one is too long. A query should be written in letter format and only one page, so there isn’t much space between the greeting and salutation. You can only fit two, maybe three short paragraphs. What you have is closer to a synopsis.

    A query should hook the reader right away, so you need to go straight to the conflict. Your query actually starts at the last paragraph where it states, “Justin’s taken and Lucy’s fallen in love.” That’s where you want to start the query. Also, take out the last sentence about your work being compared to another writer.

    Hope this helps!

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