October 17, 2011 at 11:08 pm #4682
This is a little piece from my wip: Through Time and Space. I started the novel but ended up in the middle to begin writing. So, this is a section from the middle:
I don’t answer and I can tell that he knows. He grabs my hand and squeezes it. “You scared me kiddo. Don’t do that ever again.”
“Sorry dad. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“I’ll let you get some rest okay?”
“Okay.” Though I know I’m not going to rest in this stuffy, stale hospital room. Not with Lawson on my mind and emptiness enveloping me. I stare out the window to the trees and remember his scent, his voice, and his icy blue eyes. Everything about him seemed so perfect.
My phone vibrates on the wooden table across the room. I drag myself out of bed, head and calf throbbing, and pick it up. The screen reads, “Lawson.” I close my eyes, take a deep breath, swallow my tears, and walk back to the bed without answering. I just can’t do it, I can’t bring myself to talk to him. The pain is already bad enough and I can’t bear to hear any more of his stories.
Out of the window I see the first sign of winter, snowflakes that slowly fall to the ground. They almost hang in the air, like little decorations, falling slowly. My tears fall the same.
I lay staring at the ceiling for hours before I finally drift off again.
“Remi.” His sweet laughter fills the air. “Remi, where are you?” I run as fast as my feet will take me, through the crackling leaves and snapping twigs beneath them. “I will find you.” I giggle as I make my way to the edge of the cliff. I’ve run out of places to go. Before I can think, he sweeps me up into his arms, his soft eyes studying my face. We are laughing. He spins me around. I throw my head back and enjoy the moment. “Lawson!” I giggle. “Remi!” He says back. “Remi!” “Remi!”
I’m being shaken. “Remi. Remi, honey.” Relishing my dream, I keep my eyes closed. My dad shakes me again. It feels like I’ve only been sleeping for five minutes.
“Hi dad.” I still haven’t opened my eyes. I don’t want to forget the sound of his laugh, the sound of mine.
“It’ll get better, the pain I mean. It’ll go away.”
“I’ve had headaches before. No biggie.”
“I mean your heartache. It’ll go away. Even though sometimes we don’t want it to. I know you really care about him. He’s been trying to call all day.”
I turn to watch the snowflakes that linger outside my window. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”October 17, 2011 at 11:12 pm #4683
By the way, be tough on me. I’m not afraid of that. I just want any idea on how to improve my writing. Thanks.October 19, 2011 at 2:59 am #4684
Okay ladies, this is a snippet from my romance fic that’s set back in 1886. Duke is a doctor from 2012 who got sent back to the past and Jo was the first women he laid eyes on. It’s a very rough first draft so I’m open to all feedback/comments/questions:
Several minutes later found them sitting at the edge of the pond. The water was like glass, but Duke amused himself by skipping rocks across it.
“Let me ask you something,” Duke said, breaking the length of silence between them. “What are you afraid of? Is it me, or all men in general?”
“Who says I’m afraid of men?”
“Just about everyone. You’ve earned quite the reputation as an old maid. And you’re barely thirty.”
She frowned and tossed another stone, more vigorously. “Checking up on me?”
“Not at all. I just see what I see. Picture it, if you will. A handsome, single doctor comes into town, naturally the townsfolk are suggesting women that would be ideal. But he doesn’t hear them because the first lady he sees when he arrives in the new town is the only one he wants.” He paused for effect, letting his words sink in before he continued. “Of course, they try to dissuade him from the lady of his choice because she’s a spinster, an old maid, never been married, what have you. Still, he doesn’t care. He’s intrigued enough to take the risk.”
“Why would he bother?”
“Because he realizes it’s too late to turn back. He’d already fallen for her, and realized he had been from the first time he laid eyes on her.”
Jo felt light headed. She knew he was standing close to her and she closed her eyes when she felt his hands on her shoulders. “You’re worth it,” he whispered in her ear, his warm breath brushed against her skin as his hands slid down her arms.
His lips were warm and very soft as they travelled up her neck and down again.
“We..we should…head back…”
“Not yet. You still haven’t answered my question.”
She swallowed hard and licked her lips as his fingers interlaced with hers. “Wh-what question?”
“Are you afraid of me?”
“Good,” he walked around and faced her. She looked down at his shiny black boots, slim dark pants and white cotton shirt that was open at the neck, showing a hint of chest hair. She really wanted to touch him. She placed her hands on his chest and he covered her hands with his. “I think you are afraid of me. Even if it’s just a little.”
He tipped her chin up and she looked at his face. His blue eyes were dark and he was staring into hers intently. Then his mouth closed over hers and his tongue teased her lips until she opened her mouth against his. She whimpered as he deepened the kiss and buried his fingers in her hair.February 21, 2012 at 12:14 pm #4685
My wip is called “Everything to Lose” and this is how it begins:
All men are dogs, I decided, as I pushed my way to the front of the ridiculously overcrowded bar. Well, okay, not all men. Considering most of my friends were male, that statement was a little unfair. No, it was just one man in particular.
“What can I get you?” the bartender shouted over the loud music when I finally got his attention.
“Tequila,” I hollered back. “In fact, make that three.”
“Sure,” he said hurriedly and set up three shot glasses on the bar top in front of me before expertly pouring the liquid into them and handing me the salt and wedges of lemon that accompanied the drinks. I downed my first shot without even flinching just as he’d completed pouring the third and moved quickly onto my second. The bartender cast me a worried glance, “You wanna take it a little easy there?”
Polishing off the third and sucking on the wedge of lemon, I returned him with a sour expression. It was none of his damn business as far as I was concerned. “How much was that?”
“Nineteen fifty,” he informed me and I paid him the money. Turning my back to the bar, I had to stop for a moment as the alcohol buzzed through my brain, making me dizzy. Perhaps taking three shots in a row hadn’t been such a bright idea, especially after the whiskey and coke and the wine I’d had before we got to the club. I knew I could hold my drink but I was usually more sensible in pacing myself to last an entire night.
Not tonight though. Tonight I didn’t want to be my usual self; I was out to get wasted tonight. I’d never believed in it before and used to laugh at people who set out to get drunk at clubs but tonight I felt that my circumstances were different. I just wanted to numb everything I felt. I was tired of caring about what every one else thought. And I was tired of aching for a guy who seemed to have no romantic interest in me whatsoever.
The truth was that I was in love with my best friend. Or at least, I thought I was. That was the only explanation I could come up with for thinking about him all day, imaging what things might have been like if we were a couple and if he ever saw me as anything more than a friend for just a moment. It was something I’d recently realized, though if I had been paying attention earlier, I might have noticed the signs that other people had tried to point out to me. I had known him since we were five and no one knew me like he did, no one understood me the same way.
But things weren’t so simple and I no matter what I felt for him, I could never tell him the truth. I knew all too well how he’d run a mile in the opposite direction from me if I ever confessed my true feelings to him, just as I’d seen him do with countless other girls who said the L-word to him. I didn’t want to lose him and so if being near him meant that I had to keep my feelings to myself then that was exactly what I planned to do. So much for Madison Bates, the tough girl that everyone thought I was. Inside I was a complete ball of mush when it came to Josh Munroe.
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