Looking for a Critique Partner Listings, July 27th 2012

Looking for a Critique Partner Listings, July 27th 2012

Some great listings this week, including an agent query. Can you help Rachel and give her some feedback on her query?

I’ve been spending lots of time outdoors in the Seattle summer and it feels great. Hopefully the weather is co-operating where you are too. Hugs! – Laura



“I am unsure if my novel is more romance than mainstream, though the focus is not necessarily on the romantic relationships, but on the family relationships, there is some romance subplots. So I guess I am looking for someone who doesn’t mind that.

I don’t have the first draft completed yet, and am looking for a beta who would like to read in chunks. A few chapters here and there to make sure that things are unfolding in a straight manner and then when the draft is completed to make sure everything is cohesive.

A summary:
Noelle, about to begin her own family, embarks on a search for the mother who abandoned her family when Noelle was six months old. Her brothers, Cam and Nick, have their own problems, with the scars of a physically absent mother and an emotionally absent father. As the search gets underway, the three of them face obstacles within the family who doesn’t want the search and the problems of finding someone who apparently doesn’t want to be found.”


“Hi. I’m looking for a few people to critique my adult fantasy, Dragon ….

The dragons are being by a rival clan, their declining number leaving the kingdom vulnerable on all sides. Maayin is the only female left to avert this fate and the council’s last desperate hope. Except she’s living under the belief that she is human.

(It does have romantic elements, so if that’s not your thing …)

I tend to lean more towards fantasy in my reading, though I can get into light sci-fi and some paranormals. I’ve a little bit of critique experience, mostly giving honest feedback. Due to real life and depending on chapter length, there will be times where I may take a while to finish a critique, but you are guaranteed to get honest feedback.

Please, no horror.”

@rachelYOUNG ADULT Laura, not sure if this is a CP listing but including just in case.

“I’ve revised and rewritten my query and I’m told it’s great. I wanted to pass it by some of you to make sure. I realize the list is breaking the rules, but I’ve seen many successful queries respectfully break the rules and the agents love it. So here’s mine. Please let me know if this makes sense. Also, I’m just posting the body of the query.

Sixteen-year-old Allura is done following rules.

#1) No hunting alone

#2) No saving humans

#3) No falling in love

So when her inner predatory switch is flipped to the “on” position while saving an injured woman, she has nobody to blame but herself. That is, until her new flesh-hungry fantasies begin to flicker through her mind like a movie, bloody scene after bloody scene. Then she has everyone to blame—her mother, her grandmother, her great-grandmother—because Allura comes from a long line of man-eaters.

But it isn’t until David, the guy she’s falling in love with, lands a lead role in her private film as her delicious victim, that Allura realizes two things. One: She refuses to live without him. And two: She can’t turn off the switch.

DARK WATERS is Dexter meets Splash, where the deadliest of female folkloric creatures are placed in today’s society and commanded to play well with others.”


“I’d like someone to critique the beginning of my story, just two pages.

It is a book about a young man, Will, who kills himself after the death of his girlfriend. The story starts with him wandering through a forest to the Acheron River (Styx depending on who your reading). The spirit Ariel guides him to the ferryman’s daughter who, as a favor, brings Will back to life when he expresses regret to the ferryman’s daughter .

Born again he can see all manner of supernatural things. The ferryman’s daughter sends him with Ariel to mental hospital as patients to help “a girl in trouble”…

I would love to help any one too though I just joined the site.”


I’m looking for a few people willing to give me feedback on my fantasy novel prologue. Length is 2807 words. I can provide a word document, or point you to my blog. My blog has a survey attached at the bottom from when I attempted to get feedback from my friends. I came to the conclusion that it’s a bit long to read in a blog setting, but it’s available nonetheless.This is my second draft and I’m proceeding through my story chapter by chapter in my revisions.

Link to blog post:


I’d love to return the favor if anyone wants to swap.

Thank you,



heping – YOUNG ADULT

Hi, I’m a bit of a newbie with a story set in a dystopian world populated by faeries, demons, vampires, mages, etc. about a homeless girl cursed by a vengeful faery for ‘harvesting’ faery wings (i.e., cutting off and selling on the black market). If you are interested, send me an e-mail at mvgmss@gmail.com. Thank you!

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